Have You Ever Lost Your Confidence?

Has there been a time in your life where you had things moving right along and you felt content with your life and business? While everything was going along smoothly you became a little relaxed and just went along with what was happening around you? I can say that I have been at that place many times in my personal and business life. Everything seemed to be moving forward, things felt like they were in a good place and I was comfortable in what was going on around me.

Then whack out of the blue something happens. Your clients file bankruptcy, you are fired from a job, a terminal illness is discovered in a family member, a sudden death of a loved one, divorce, rape or sexual assault occurs. You get knocked off your confidence. Suddenly the calm comfortable world you had been living in takes a turn for the worse. There does not feel like a quick ending to what just happened. You may have found yourself paralyzed from what had just happened.

When you get your confidence kicked out of you by life what do you do to bring it back? How long does it take you to breathe back in some wind after it is knocked out of you?

I have experienced many breath taking kicks along the way. I have experienced many confident damaging events in my life and yet I have found the tools necessary to get back up and breathe. Have you experienced events in your life that have knocked out the confidence for a short or long while? What were some of those events for you? Are you in one of those times right now?

I have found that when I have gotten in one of these circumstances at first I freeze. I go inward and want to shut out the whole world. I will get the necessary obligations done but have no feeling attached to what I am doing. While I am in this state I am searching in my brain what I could have done different and what I could have done to prevent this circumstances from happening. Anyone else out there like me? Get stuck in the “what I could have, should have done”! Not like I can do anything about the past however I know this is what I have done. This usually will get me into a cycle of blame shame and guilt for what I didn’t do so well. After a time, I have to find myself out of that hole and start to rebuild my confidence. This is done a lot quicker when I talk with those people I have as my support. When a hand is reached out to me I take it and get myself going a lot faster than if I were to try to do it alone.

I have heard from many people whom have shared that I inspire them and they look up to me. People have made comments about my positive attitude and my confidence. I appreciate each and every reminder from those around me. I feel like I am no different from any other person who gets back up when they have been knocked down. I work consistently to get back up on the horse that bucked me off and take the reins and ride again. I have never gone it alone even when I have felt alone. There has always been someone in my life, be it God, parents, spouse, siblings, friends, children and even strangers. Someone has reminded me to get up and get going. Who has been in your life that has kept you going when it has been difficult?

Here are a few tips I have learned along the way:

1. Keep Breathing – It takes a lot of deep cleansing breaths to get through the biggest challenges.

2. Notice What Happened - Do what you can to notice and not avoid what has happened in your life. Be aware of what you were doing and how you reacted. This helps to put it all into perspective.

3. Check Your Feelings – What are you feeling about the circumstance? For yourself and for any others that may be involved. Be honest about your feeling do not try to hide them or bury them.

4. Ask What You Can Control – What about this situation can you control? Then take action on those things. If you cannot control it then let the negative energy go from it. Do what you can and keep yourself moving forward.

5. Rebuild Your Confidence - Take every step possible to get confident again. Be with positive people, talk about your strengths, surround yourself with the good things in life, do something that inspires you or do something that scares you so you can get the excitement back in your life.

Your confidence is always there! It just may be hiding behind a tree waiting to see how you protect it. It may be afraid to come out and play again however you are the only one who can teach it to play again. Those things that knocked you down are the same things that have knocked down thousands of other people in the world. You are not alone! Ask yourself how they may have gotten through it or get in a group with others who have survived the same circumstance and learn to thrive through it.

When you get through those challenges you end up being a person that inspires others. People will see you as the person they want to be like.

Come on you can do it, I believe in you! Bring your confidence back out and play. Be like the person you admire most and learn from your circumstance so you can help someone else get up quicker too.

10 Ways of Increasing Confidence

A few tips to increase your confidence. Increasing your confidence is a challenge to take on everyday. You may have days when you are completely confident and then there may be moments when you struggle to find confidence. These tips below are ways to step back in when you need support. Enjoy and share with those you care about.

1. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like them. Model their mannerisms and behavior. It works for them; it will work for you.

2. Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it. Throw away your hammers. It’s gone; it’s never coming back. Instead learn from it for next time. Forgive yourself and move on.

3. Are you prepared for situations? Are you prepared enough to meet any challenge that may come up? Are you prepared for that meeting, that presentation, that job interview, when you meet someone for the first time? If not, get prepared!

4. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity – because you’re good at it, you’ll enjoy it and have more confidence. As you get more practice you will have more strengths.

5. Improve your weaknesses. Know and appreciate what these are and put a plan in place to improve them over time. Practice your weaknesses so they can become your strengths.

6. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of. If you think you want to say no then say it. People may not like to be told no, but they will respect you for standing up for you.

7. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. What is a thought? It’s just a question that you’ve asked yourself and the thought is you’re answer. If you’re thinking negative thoughts, you’re probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive. Positive questions will move you forward in life.

8. Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem. Shift your thinking to support you not them.

9. At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day. Keep a journal for yourself on the “Greatness I See In Me”. Open it up and review it as needed. Any bad day will do.

10. Improve your body language. The way that you move your body has a massive impact on your confidence levels. Move your body assertively and walk with your head up, shoulders back and as though you’ve got somewhere very important to go. Feeling low in confidence? Change you body language! Be proud! You Matter!

You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time – will what I am worrying about really matter? Since we do not know what day is our last day on earth live as though today is it! What do you want to do today that if tomorrow doesn’t come people will remember you positively for?

Sign up at the Be A Legacy website and receive 10 more tips to increase your confidence as you will receive "20 Ways To Increase Your Confidence" free for signing up to receive our monthly newsletter. http://www.bealegacy.com

12 Days of Christmas Gifts from Be A Legacy

Be A Legacy would like to celebrate you!

The gift of your friendship, acceptance and compassion have been truly rewarding. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and your growth. I hope these gifts I offer below will let you know how much I celebrate you.

Many people celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas as the 12 days leading up to Christmas Day. The true 12 Days of Christmas actually came as the 12 days after Christmas and began December 26 with the feast of St. Stephen-a traditional day for giving leftovers to the poor and ending January 6 with Epiphany. Each day a gift was presented to the world with celebrations to serve others in the world.

Following in the tradition of the original 12 Days of Christmas I would like to offer you some special gifts to keep you moving forward in life.

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS GIFTS BE A LEGACY GAVE TO ME...
12 Millionaire Quotes To Read (Dec.26)
11 Networking Tips For Growth (Dec.27)
10 Ways To Increase Your Confidence (Dec.28)
9 Powerful Life Questions (Dec.29)
8 Affirmations (Dec.30)
7 Key Areas Of Focus (Dec.31)
6 Ways Of Getting Out of Debt (Jan. 1)
5 Goal Setting Strategies (Jan.2)
4 Personality Quadrant Breakdown (Jan.3)
3 Articles On Relationships (Jan.4)
2 Visual Boards To Create (Jan.5)
and a Life Assessment Form (Jan.6)

Sign Up To Receive the 12 Days Of Christmas Gifts From Be A Legacy For A Chance To Win

A Prize Gift Pack Prize Gift Pack Includes:Books, Audio CD's, Business Tools, Special Gifts & More. (Value over $600) Prize Pack will be sent to winner on January 9, 09

Sign up today to receive these free gifts from Be A Legacy

email dreamteam@bealegacy.com or go to http://www.bealegacy.com/ and sign up to receive these great tools.

Do you feel like your kids are pulling you down in life?

I have spoken with many people who have made comments like “if it wasn’t for my kids I would be able to do what I want in life” or “I can’t do that because I have kids”. I am a mother of four and I do not ever recall making those kinds of statements in regards to my life. Nor have I blamed my children for my challenges and hardships. I will say at times it was challenging to find a babysitter for four. There were times in which I had to make a choice to not attend something because I did not have a babysitter. And I know that it was my choice to make.

I have never once felt like my children were ever a burden! We have had challenges along the way. I do not have the most successful kids on the block. We have been through serious illnesses and challenges at school. I do have pretty confident kids and the conversations I have with my kids have been powerful and eye opening for me. When my teens have struggles they come and talk to me. When my young adult son feels challenged or lonely he talks to me. My young daughter tells me what is bothering her and about the boys she wants to go to dances with when she is older.

I recently read an article from Nebraska where parents are dropping off their adolescent to teenage kids to the safe haven. One father who flew from Miami and left his teen behind at the “safe haven”. That tears at my heart. One day I hope to adopt a young girl into our family. I was asking myself what would cause a parent to bring their children at these ages to a “Safe Haven” and just leave them there? Is it because they can not put food on the table? Is it because the children are difficult to handle because the parent was negligent in raising them confidently? Is it because of medical issues that the parent can not afford? Have we as a society let the TV and video games be the babysitter in our busy lives and still expected confident kids? When crisis comes to our homes how are we handling it? Will we abandon those people we are responsible for? Are we seeking support from family, friends, neighbors and our community? I know for some communities times are challenging. How are people reaching for help and support through the tough times?

Raising confident kids is not an easy or simple thing to do! It takes effort from parents, family members and the community. Teaching kids to be confident is very deliberate. Everyday make time to talk with your kids, challenge them to come up with solutions to their problems verses giving them the answer. When I do give solutions I offer several for them to choose from, allowing them to build up their trust to make the right choices in life. Everyday my kids are asked some simple questions like “What are you thankful for?” and “What do you like about yourself?”. Asking questions like these allows them to look at what is important to them and be confident in their answers.

One day my son came home from school and asked me “Mom would you be really mad if I beat someone up?” of course I said yes. Then I asked him what was going on. He shared with me how everyday this one young man kept telling him he was a terrible football player and bad quarterback. He was belittling him in front of the other kids at school, tough time for 13 year olds. I asked my son if he really wanted to beat him up and he said no. I asked him what did he want to see happen. My son told me he just wanted the other boy to stop making comments like that because he was working hard to be a good football player. The solution we came up together was the next time the boy made a comment my son would ask this question “Since you think I am not good at playing football will you step up and teach me how to be better?’. The next day in school he had the opportunity to use his solution. The other boy made comments and my son stepped into action. The results were the other boy told my son he was a good player and apologized for making the comments to impress his friends. They are now friends and work as a team. Are we teaching our kids to be responsible for the things that challenge them? Or just waiting for our kids to get over frustrated and allow violence to be the solution. Or abandon the kids because as a parent we were not willing to be involved.

I asked my sons how they would feel at 13 and 16 to be left at a “safe haven”. They said they will feel like they were not loved and would be very sad and hurt. Imagine what those teens that have been abandoned feel as they have been left at the hospitals in Nebraska. Image if it was you who had been left. How would you feel? As I look back at my childhood, my parents taught me many things in life. Confidence was not one of them. I learned that as I got older. I was taught that as a child I had no say in decisions. I learned that a child can go to bed without supper now and again and would still survive. I learned that pain does hurt and emotional hurts make a bigger scar. Even though I did not often feel loved by my parents it would have been much more difficult to have been abandoned. I love my parents and know that they too had challenges raising four kids.

I traveled to Uganda, Africa last year where many parents are dying from Aids and the kids are working together as a team to build each other up because the parents are very sick and dying. I was able to see the poor conditions these children live in, the huts they live in and the lack of food and healthcare. The babies that were thrown on trash piles and left in public restrooms because of the rapes and lack of food. Yet the people in Uganda that I experienced were not afraid to ask for help. There is enough in America and many times pride will get in our way and stop us from asking for help.

I strive everyday to build the confidence of people around me. I have learned that most people just want to feel like they belong somewhere. Most people want to be part of a family and community. Many times judgment and a feeling of not being accepted push people away and create a feeling of not being loved. Gangs are about being a part of a community. I am choosing to have my family and friends to be part of a community without violence and without hurting others. It is never too late to start building confidence in kids. It is never too late to build confidence as an adult. What are you going to do to build up the confidence in parents so during crisis they choose to get help and support and not abandon the children in their lives? I will offer classes and speak to groups and do what is necessary to help stop the abandonment and violence towards the kids in the world. It is time to step up in the tough times and say people matter first! The time is here to be deliberate with those we are responsible for. Are you willing?

Mentoring Yourself

Mentoring yourself is another great tool. Do you know that it doesn't really matter how others see you as much as it matters how you see yourself?

Other people might be able to look at you and share that they can see your greatnesses. They can truly believe that you are compassionate, powerful, courageous and more. The challenge arises when you do not believe these qualities for yourself. Letting go of many opportunities because you say to yourself "they are not talking to me" or "I will let you know if I see anyone like the customer you are looking for". Are you looking inside yourself to see it that opportunity is for you?

What qualities are you going to commit to awakening every moment?
If you are not willing to acknowledge your qualities then you are not likely going to achieve your potential in life. Making it almost impossible to achieve your goals and dreams. Today is the day to mentor yourself. Mentor your old beliefs and transform them into a powerful voice inside of you that serves you moving forward. Awakening a quality to serve you and practice everyday until you are transformed into believing in it.

How are you going to mentor yourself so you are coming out a winner everyday?

Mentoring yourself takes effort and consistency. Your ability to do this begins and ends with your mentality. Your mind set is to be about serving your purpose and moving forward in life. What will you choose to tell yourself everyday? If you have negative self talk then notice that it is not moving you forward. Putting away the hammer and choosing to take action to mentor you can shift future generations.

As you mentor yourself you create space to mentor others. When you enjoy you then people enjoy being around you. Every contact with another human is an opportunity for a "Mentor Moment". How many "Mentor Moments" are you going to create today?

Mentee -Are you willing to ask for a Mentor?

Who is a mentee? A mentee is a person that wants to further his/her career and/or social development. Signs that the person wants to progress are statements/questions such as: "I would like to make more friends.", "My teachers thinks that I can get better grades.", "I would like to get a better job.", "How can I get a promotion?", "How do I get on the basketball team?", "I want to go to college.", "I would like a better relationship with my kids or spouse. "
"I'd like to make more money in my network markting business. What do I have to do to make it happen?"

It is very difficult to help someone who does not see the need for help. You can suggest to someone that he/she can do better in a particular area, but the individual must appreciate and accept the need for change. They must see the value in creating a shift.

Mentees must have trust and respect for the mentor. Mentees must realize that the success of the relationship is up to them and they are responsible for the actions they take. Mentee's must take responsibility for their own development. Finally, the mentee must value the role of a mentor in achieving these objectives.

Maintaining the Mentoring Relationship with the Mentee

A key element in maintaining a good working relationship with your mentee is to ensure that he / she is responsible for his / her own development. The mentor can coax, persuade, cajole but must never coerce the mentee.

Honestly is always the best policy. Some things may have to be coated with some sugar and honey to sweeten them up, but never compromise the truth.

Being a mentor is a rewarding responsibility. Take your mentoring responsibilities seriously, and insist the mentee do likewise.

Do not hesitate to invite others to get involved in the mentoring relationship if you feel that it is in the best interests of the mentee. This step can be difficult for the mentor to take because it may admit to some weakness on his / her part. However, realizing when others can do a better job bringing is a hallmark of maturity.

Focus on the big picture and don’t worry about small things. Substance is important, style less so. Each person is unique, and the mentee’s individual style may need to be modified, but not suppressed.

The mentor should not look for immediate gratification in the mentoring relationship. The value of the lessons learned from the mentor may not become apparent to the mentee for months or even years later.

Setting Goals Is Easy! Or Is It?

Setting goals is the easy step. People set them all the time. Many people set goals for a New Years resolutions. Setting goals, putting goals on paper, saying you will reach a particular goal does not mean you will succeed. Setting goals can be a lot like a hope, a wish and a want.

Acting on the goal is different than setting the goal. Acting on the goal requires you to do something about the goal. Putting goal accomplishments into action can be challenging for some. The biggest challenge could be being truly committed to the goal. What are the action steps you will need to take in order to be truly committed to the goal?

Get up everyday and get to work no matter what the circumstances are. You are tired, do not feel good or busy working are all great excuses to not work on your goals. However, they become great excuses for you to not be committed to your goal. To reach your goal you will need to get past all the great excuses and circumstances. When you allow all the excuses and circumstances to slow you down or deter you from reaching your goals you tell yourself that you are not worth reaching the goals.

Each time you set a goal, act upon reaching the goal and accomplishing the goal you tell your subconscious that you matter. Setting and accomplishing goals reward you with greater confidence, acceptance and commitment. The value of letting other people know that you set and accomplish goals allows others to build trust and respect in you.

Setting and accomplishing goals is a great way to reward yourself and others around you. As you allow people to see you step into your life and you create success you also lead the way for them to do the same. They will want to achieve goals in their life as well.

Go out and make a bigger difference just by setting, acting on and accomplishing your goals in life!

The Power In Saying No

Why would you want to say No to people?

Why is a No powerful?

No is a way to trust yourself. Trusting your insinct on making a choice.

When you say no to someone that is a way that you honor yourself. How often do you truly honor yourself?
No does not mean that you are a bad person or someone who does not care.
No is just saying this does not work for me right now. No I can not do this for you as I can not put anything more on my schedule.
This is about you honoring your previous committments and not creating overwhelm for yourself.
When you say no, I have found that some people will actually honor you more. They will respect you for having boundries and honoring who you are.
Now don't get me wrong some people will take advantage of you if you tend to not say no often. However you are the only one to blame for not setting healthy boundaries for your self.

No can be a very powerful statement! It can show that you pay attention to your life.
A no puts power in you feeling like you have a choice and you have the power to do what supports you best.

Can you say no and still say yes? No to what is being asked and you can put in a yes for the future. Like no I can not be part of the play this month, please do ask me again in the future. If I am available I will let you know. This is a way that shows you are still open to supporting others yet is just does not work at this time. This allows you to have the control in your life and honor yourself and be there when others can use your support.

So what lessons can you take from saying no?

• Learn how to say no to people.
• Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of.
• If you think you want to say no then say it.
• People may not like to be told no, but they will respect you for standing up for you.
• Ano can mean not at this time please ask me again in the future.

Today is your day to say No! A loving, compassionate and healthy No! Practice on small things and work your way up to the bigger No's. What is the gain in saying no? It is up to you to find out!